Recently I was asked by a friend who lives in a different state what the process was for purchasing a home.

Things have changed since the advent of online information regarding listings. The buyer has access to nearly as  much information as the real estate agent, and education is empowering. I thought about this- the prospect of sifting through that information and breaking it up into manageable bits is daunting. I decided today that I would tell you the process I would follow if I were to buy a home today.

Let me preface this by saying I am both an information and a control freak. I like having all the numbers possible in front of me, and I like knowing exactly what is going to happen. If you are more relaxed about things, you may want to use my process as a guide, and do things your own way. This is just how I would go about it.

While the first inclination would be to start looking at houses- online or in real life- the first thing I would do is go to a local bank or see a mortgage broker that I was comfortable with. If you have a relationship with a bank nearby, that might be the place to start. This way, I would have an idea of the price range that I would be allowed for a mortgage. Additionally, if you have an issue at this point, many of these people have software programs that they can use to pinpoint problems and help you to raise your credit score.

Now, with the dollar amount in mind, I would find a site that I could sign up on to preview properties listed on the MLS. At the same time, I would be searching for a real estate agent to represent me as a buyer. Why? Two reasons. It will not cost me anything, and even if it did a good agent would be worth it when it comes to negotiation and walking me through the actual process of the home purchase.

In order to find someone I liked and trusted, I think I would ask around. I wouldn’t be comfortable with the phone directory, or with whoever had the nicest looking website. Ask a friend and then meet with the agent face to face- it will be a wise investment of 10 minutes. In the case of my friend who lives out of state, he may ask me who I recommend. I have friends who are Realtors all over the country. I may be able to give him a couple of names of agents who I know are intelligent and  familiar with the process, and that would at least be a starting point for him.

The Life Events Stress Test lists changing your resident and taking on a mortgage as significant stress-causing events, and from my non-clinical observations, I would agree. It’s a big step, similar to marriage or having children (although you can sell a house- those other steps tend to be a little more irreversible!). I would go into it with my eyes wide open, information at my side, and with the awareness that after the stress I would have a home of my own.

And remember- the right time for homeownership is when you are ready.

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I have the greatest respect for people who choose not to be parents. There is incredible pressure all around them to conform to what is considered the norm, and for a variety of reasons they decide to be non-conformists. My daughter is one of these people, and I respect her decision. It’s intelligent to consider this prior to having the child.

And this made me think of something that I feel happens in real estate. Not everyone should be a homeowner, or not everyone is ready right now, regardless of interest rates and available inventory. I had three separate issues come up this week alone that reminded me of this.

The one which I will share was about a listing I have- a bank-owned property that had suffered from neglect and freeze damage. Some of the damage was repaired, but I wasn’t certain the extent of it. An interested buyer called me and requested placing an offer, and of course I disclosed this information. I had his mortgage person run me a preap, and it came back contingent on several items that I had told the buyer may be problems, among them being the heating system.

I told the mortgage officer this, and told him that this property was being sold as is. Apparently, this buyer had an issue with reserved funds. The mortgage officer asked me to “Please advice” (sic).

Fair enough. I have issues of my own with reserved funds from time to time. But selling this buyer the home would be plain irresponsible, to my way of thinking. Possibly everything would work out, but more likely I would get the listing back as another bank-owned property a year or two down the road.

My advice? Make sure you have enough money in the bank to cover a couple of months’ worth of mortgages. You don’t know what can happen, and at least you will have that roof over your head. Hard? Sure, but not as hard as trying to find that money if you are too sick to work, or get laid off, or need to take time off to care for a child.

Do a home inspection, even if it is for informational purposes only! I know you want the house, but if you start out over your head in unexpected repairs, you run the risk of becoming a statistic, and that’s a number I don’t want to see get any larger. Use the home inspection as a tool, even with an as-is property: highlight the big-ticket items and make sure you will be able to take care of them before they become bigger-ticket items.

Homeownership is similar, in my opinion, to being a parent. Most days it is great, and there is nothing like finally burning the mortgage paper when you pay it off, so they tell me- probably the same feeling you get watching a child graduate from college. But if you aren’t prepared- if you haven’t thought out who is going to watch the toddler when you have to go to work and she has croup, if you haven’t considered school vacations and broken arms and stomach bugs- you aren’t looking at the whole picture. Does this mean you shouldn’t be a parent, or a homeowner? Probably not, but education and a safety net can make things a hell of a lot easier.

In Massachusetts, education and information on lower-cost mortgage interest can be found at this site.

Federal First-Time Homebuyer Credit  click here (thanks to Patrick Harding)

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I SWORE I wouldn’t write about the snow. This day began with yet another storm, and the little cherubs were out of school- yet again. Then it turned to ice. Because it such an easy and common connector, you hear bits of it all the time: at work, while filling up the gas tank, waiting in line at the grocery store.

But while it is a connection, it drives me crazy because it is so fragile, like speed-dating. The snow and rain only touch the surface, and the comments almost act as an anti-conversation, because they are so rote.

Then I came home, and found a request on Facebook to complete a task. One of my friends asked me to write 25 things about myself. At first I was going to blow this off, then I started to think about it. I am a very private person; there are perhaps four people in this world who know that much about me, and I know that I guard things from them. Why not try this?

This is what I came up with:

“25 Things About Me You Really Don’t Care About–Tag Game”

1. I can’t believe people wouldn’t want to know 25 things about me
2. I’ve loved to draw and paint since I could remember
3. My artwork was chosen for exhibition in the Scholastic Art Awards when I was in high school.
4 . Most of my best friends in my life have been male.
5. I was accepted into both Brandeis and The College of the Holy Cross, where I went and flamed out of spectacularly.
6. I love the beach; I love to swim.
7. I’ve never been on a plane, except when my uncle took me aboard a small private one when I was 4.
8. I’m never satisfied with where I am.
9. My daughter had to tell me what a Brazilian wax was.
10. I love what I do (Realtor) but am tired of everyone complaining.
11. I am intrigued by the tech side of this business and how it is going to skew the future of real estate.
12. I loved Inman Connect NYC.
13. The only stitches I have even had besides my back surgery have been from stepping on a wine glass that I had left on the floor.
14. I get migraines.
15. I think intellect is the sexiest attribute.
16. My best part is my shoulders.
17. I am unsure how much the principles of the Secret work, and as soon as you say that, it is your fault they don’t work.
18. I am constantly wondering where I will be next month, next year.
19. I am so unfocused in the morning until I have coffee that I am certain that my children’s AD(H)D comes from me as well as my ex.
20. I love to write.
21. My goals are all focused on production, not money, and I would probably do better to realign my values.
22. We have two dogs, and I am the only one who walks them.
23. One of my daughters will probably always be with me. She has issues that make it unlikely she will be on her own- probably some form of schizophrenia.
24. Working for myself has been the biggest transition I have even made, aside from my divorce.

Many of these were silly, but some were hard to write. And harder still was choosing the 25 people with which to share; it is, after all, a game of tag.

What I thought was interesting was that this interaction all occurred online. These are people with whom I have been building relationships with over the course of the past year. Some I have met in real life, but many I have not, and socialize with them only on Facebook and Twitter. And I would term what we are doing as socializing or relationship-building. It is nothing so sterile as mere networking.

Funny. You hear so much about the superficiality of online relationships, and there is plenty of that, but this week I watched people commiserate about sick children, support each other through various crises, and help one friend through a death in the family.  These aren’t simple, one-dimensional friendships, and with the 25-question game, we are seeking to cement connections.

So, what do you think of this weather?

Oh, and #25:

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I just finished reading The Shortcut To Success by Scott Halford, a post that came through my email. The post focuses briefly on Business Darwinism- the idea that in tight times, only the most useful workers will be kept within any industry. Fair enough.

I know something about the practical application of Darwin’s theories. I see them all the time when I do my laundry- if something shrinks, or needs to be washed by itself in anything but cold water, out it goes. If it is wrinkled when it is finally pulled out of the dryer, it goes to the ragbag. I have no time to mollycoddle the wash. It’s definitely survival of the fittest in our laundry room.

A teacher I used to work with called it the “You snooze, you lose” rule. She was referring to her children, but it definitely applies (maybe more so) in the workplace. No time for napping when you are trying to get the last piece of pizza, or pushing to get the listing and get it sold.

And that leads to the article’s next point: be a Shortcut. This is a new use of the word, with an “S”- be the one who is thought of when the best, most skilled person for the job is needed. Be the expert!  Be stable, and by being all of these things be necessary.

I intuitively knew all about this Shortcut business from being a mother. No one could make macaroni and cheese from a box like I could, no one could sit up all night with a sick child better that me, no one could kiss the scrape on that knee and take away the sting as well as I could. And that is the point, in summary- by working harder and better than others, you become indispensable. Not much of a surprise that I scored well on the online test, given the rigorous training sessions I had been through with the little cherubs.

I guess you want to be the best you can be, in business, in your personal relationships, in life. That’s how you create job security, and really, it’s the only way to go, regardless of the rewards. See if you need to babysit my kids- take the test.

And when you’re done, I have a question for Darwin about squirrels.

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I am getting a little headache today. Up early, did some paperwork stuff, then went out to one of my bank-owned listings to show it to a possible buyer. Good showing, but the property had no heat or electricity, so I am still feeling a little sluggish from the cold.

Got back to the office, submitted an offer for a buyer, and started wading through the list. Hopefully setting up 2 other deals- it’s great being busy.

Then I got a call from another buyer. Woo hoo! As I was speaking with this potential buyer, he had mentioned that he had seen this property already, so there would be no need to view it. He just wanted to make the offer. I said, “Then you are telling me you have an agent?” “No,” he said, “we haven’t signed any paper with anyone.” I wanted to make sure I got this straight. “But you were shown the property already by someone?”

Then he said that he had seen more than 35 properties in the area, and the agent had merely given him the lockbox code so that he could let himself in. “Excuse me?” The agent got the codes to the lockboxes, and the buyers went out by themselves.

So, okay, I can’t see how they would have signed an Exclusive Buyer’s Agency contract, let alone a MA Mandatory Agency Disclosure form. And handing out my lockbox codes to buyers doesn’t exactly constitute representation. Just thinking about the things that could happen made me really upset. Suppose the buyers had slipped on the ice, or had fallen down the cellar stairs, or SAID they had fallen down the cellar stairs? I am just getting over the headache that had started after I was handed this little nugget of information.

It reminds me of when the kids went off to college. When the first one went, I was really upset. REALLY upset. I was complaining with tears in my eyes to a friend who had been through it already. She said, “Look at it this way. Before my daughter went off, she constantly broke curfew and we knew she was drinking and doing god-knows-what-else. Now, 9:00 rolls around, and I can envision her brushing her teeth in the dorm and getting ready for bed because she has early classes. It’s a thing of beauty, really.”

And those blinders really are a thing of beauty. I knew agents SOMEWHERE were just giving out the combos to lockboxes, but I couldn’t imagine that anyone around here REALLY was. I imagined them trudging off through the snow, flashlight in hand, shivering in the cold while their buyers poked around drafty unheated attics and dark cellars, tape-measuring the bedrooms. 

Buyers: your buyer’s agent should at least walk you through the property, jot down your questions and try to be the best connection that you have for getting the answers. I know you want to get in to see the property quickly, but your agent is being compensated: make sure they represent you!

Agents: what are you thinking?

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When I was in high school, I was friends with a kid, older than me, very smart. In fact, I had a phenomenal crush on him, and was thrilled when he asked me out. He was sweet, gentle, kind, and as I mentioned, intelligent. We got along well, bickered because I was something of a loose cannon and he definitely was not, and probably would have been good for each other.

I think what did the relationship in was that I expected him to be more passionate about life than I felt he was. He was always considered and sensible. As an example, he liked jazz, so he decided to take jazz piano lessons. I had a huge fight with him, because I believed that jazz was something born internally- of pain, passion, fire. How can improvisation be taught? I honestly think that was the straw that broke this camel’s back.

Funny, though. He became quite good at the piano, and a few years later shared with me a poem that he had written in the style of Ginsberg’s “Howl”- which was absolutely incredible. In fact, his emotion likely ran deeper than mine, although to look at us, you wouldn’t know it. Under his quiet surface he smoldered.

The “Jazz Brunch” came on the radio today, and it reminded me of this relationship. When you are young, it seems like pairings are limitless- get through with one, and the theory is that another just as good will show up- it’s a seller’s market. Now- meh. I’m carrying a lot of baggage and so is everyone I meet, and I am not sure it will all fit in one car. But I wonder- if I had  been less self-centered, if I had tried to be more observant, would I have seen the “howl” in this man? And what would that have meant?

Or maybe I have just reexamined my definition of passion. I used to think passion was a constant storming of the castle gates- a perpetual tipping at the status quo- but that’s probably just superficial, or at best a symptom. I probably respect intelligence and drive more now than random movement, and see that the former burns with a brighter light.

And burning is really what passion is all about.

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I saw the inauguration. It seems to me that Obama is like Dr. Pepper- people either love him, or they hate him. Regardless, most change is good. And the opportunity to adapt to change- good or bad- is incredible.

I’m working from home today because my daughter is sick. This is the time of year in the Northeast when people start feeling a little cabin fever- it’s been snow, snow, snow. I’m busy with real estate stuff, as usual, but I am trying to react to the change that I see happening in the industry, and to implement the ideas that I picked up at the Inman Connect NYC conference. Ultimately, my goal is to be in that place where I am not reacting- I want to be the instrument of change.

Great article about adapting to change can be found here. And it’s true- why bother taking listings if you don’t have the marketing in place to find the buyers- if you just sink into the backdrop of the main street storefronts and don’t reach a larger consumer base.

I feel like the time for reaction is over. There is a sea change in the air; spring will be here soon; 2 million people in Washington D.C. felt hope strongly enough to brave the cold just to see one man make a public promise to the country.

It’s time to be bold. It’s time to be brave. It’s time to be an instrument of change.

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I always love driving in to the city to pick up my daughter at her apartment. I used to fear driving there, but honestly? Nothing scares me anymore. I have developed this kind of he-who-hesitates-is-lost mentality, and in the city I have learned to drive at least aggressively enough.

But my favorite part of it is having my daughter in the car with me. We have similar taste in music and senses of humor- heaven help her- and we usually spend a good part of the ride home wailing with laughter.

Yesterday I picked her up. She got into the car. I noticed that her hair was pulled back and she was wearing her hoodie pulled up. We got her settled with her dirty laundry, and started back for home. A few minutes into the ride, she said, “Do you remember when I was 3 years old and cut my own bangs?” I knew what was coming so I started laughing.

She said, “I was all alone last night and bored, so I decided to cut my hair. It didn’t look that great so I cut a little more, and that didn’t work so I decided to layer it to frame my face.” By this time we were both laughing so hard we had were crying, and if I had not been a danger on the road prior to this, I now crossed that delicate line. She pulled off the hoodie and I could see chopped up bits of hair, staggered like a Jack-O-Lantern’s teeth, and her bangs in the front were so short that her cowlick made them stand up center-left.

When I could finally catch my breath I said, “Becca, what were you thinking of?” She told me that once she started she just had to keep going, and asked me in a worried voice, “Do you think I have OCD?” “No,” I replied, “I think you are human.”

Everyone has done something like that. You just know you should stop, but you keep going anyway. There are lots of reasons for this: everyone else is doing it; you’ve messed something up and you’re pretty sure that you can fix it if you just keep at it; maybe you think that if you try something just a little differently your success at it will improve.

And you know what? You probably succeed once in a great while, and that’s just enough to keep you with the scissors to your hair. This random intermittent reinforcement- the occasional success- can keep you trying even though, like in my daughter’s case, some situations can’t be helped by your behavior.

What a human thing! Happens in personal life, happens professionally. We’re all guilty of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results,  or using a technique that worked years ago and resisting change. 

At least it was only her hair.

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