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Transparency…or politeness?
Posted on October 21, 2009 by Diane in 5 lifeYesterday on our radio show there was a lot of discussion (some on air and quite a bit in the chatroom which unfortunately isn’t transcribed) about transparency.
Transparency?
I had originally heard this term used to describe a real estate transaction, but lately it has been used more broadly to describe a person’s actions, both online and off. It makes no sense to me.
When I am at a party, I behave differently than I would at the office, yet I am still me. I don’t wear my swimsuit to church no matter how hot it is, but it is still me sweating inside those clothes. That’s what human beings do; we are taught to observe those around us and interact appropriately. Given this definition of humanity, how can “transparency” be applied as a characteristic of human behavior?
My voice – how I speak to people both online and off – is naturally going to shift depending upon who I am speaking with. Is someone who chooses to downplay last weekend’s revelry while attending a Policemen’s Ball duplicitous or sensible?
Or is it polite to not want to offend others, and sensible to not expose others who wish not to be spoken of?
I think transparency- in the sense that it is used here- is probably something the world could do a little less with. Although they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I am inclined to think that the pavers instead are unbridled honesty. We have all encountered honesty that, really, was not useful in the course of life- whether it is cloaked in the guise of constructive criticism, or tossed out there with the sentence, “You want me to be honest, don’t you?”- there is no place for it.
No, I don’t want you to be honest. I want you to be nice.
So I agree that transparency should exist in transactions and courtrooms. But in human relations? I am championing translucency- be yourself, but put it through a filter. And this goes for whether you are engaging online or offline.
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LOL. I think I was the first one to chime in, how much I hate that word in the chat. But I think anyone who knows me, online or off, knows I am ALWAYS me. You pretty much get what you see. I think where the word “transparency” has gone wrong, is that some people think you aren’t being transparent if you don’t share every nitty gritty detail, good or bad. This especially holds true of organizations, companys, and in politics.
Jeff Turner said it best in the chat, that everyone should instead use the word “authenticity.” Now that’s a word I like. Be who you are. That I can bee! :-)
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Diane Guercio and Dan Cummings, Karen Frederick. Karen Frederick said: RT @HeyAmaretto: Weighing in on transparency http://heyamaretto.com/2009/10/21/transparenc/ [...]
Agreed, Lori- and I like that word better. It is like those 10 year old pics on business cards- you want the person in front of you to somewhat represent the one you met online, and in church, and if these personae don’t reconcile, you have a problem.
But also, sometimes when I am in a bad mood (and I know we have discussed this before) I stay away from saying much, online or off. It would be authentic to be crabby, but would it be good?
Does my butt look fat in these jeans?
* please answer in only your best authentic translucent voice
: )
Mike, I have never seen a pair of jeans look that good! I am all about engagement.
AUTHENTIC! TRANSLUCENT!
Can you be too authentic? Too translucent? Too real? What if you are translucently authentic but perceived as a very REAL pain in the ass – what then?
Me thinks you got to accept the fact that you can not be all things to all people whether on or off line. On line, the truth of your reality is swift. In a matter of moments you are accepted, engaged, or deleted to the dust bin.
As to the degree of being authentically translucent, me thinks the answer lies more in a comment made years ago by the Scottish poet – Robbie Burns. He said (paraphrase), –
“you should always keep a wee bit to yourself”
As to Mike’s question:
The jeans you wear are CLEARLY AUTHENTIC and as such are sufficiently TRANSLUCENT in their cut to REVEAL the REAL you. Am I being CLEAR?? :>)
Wondering what “wee bit” Robert Burns was referring to.
Oh, sorry; I was distracted. Look beyond the words, which were tongue in cheek. No, you can’t be all things to all people. In fact, you likely will only be very important to a few, if that. I think what irks me about the idea of transparency is that it was- I believe- lifted from a completely different context and used to make one person’s interaction (online or off) seem better than another’s.
Something tells me, Larry, that authenticity is no big problem for you ;).
I had another remark about Mike’s jeans, but prudently kept THAT wee bit to myself.
As for time and place, I do not make the comments that I make on, say, blip.fm to my LinkedIn.com friends, although there is overlap between the two groups. And it’s not because I am afraid of censure, because frankly I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about that, it’s not peer pressure- it is something else.
I like the thought of it being your voice, your authentic voice and I think translucency is a good description, too.
I was the one that used the word “transparent” only because it is common & recognized…I shall expunge it posthaste!
:)
good post..I sometimes think people hide their meanest behind the words “giving their honest opinion”.
I think so too. Being “honest” creates a wide street to drive hatefulness down.
Oh, I didn’t see your part about the transparency thing- that was an ellipse when I saw your comment originally. It isn’t even the word- we have discussed this together when we were first on twitter together when we decided that we had to be ourselves. It’s the idea, to me, that there is a real transparency.
I used to say that art isn’t formed between the artist and the medium. It is ALWAYS created with the audience in mind- whether than audience materializes or not, art is borne of a love triangle.
Personality is like that, as free as we think we are. There is the nature/nurture thing going on, and the third part of the triangle is those we are surrounded by.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by mikemueller: Transparency…or politeness? – http://tinyurl.com/yjamocw (via @HeyAmaretto)…