Merry Happy

I have been watching little debates bubble up and subside on twitter and elsewhere as to how to appropriately be a well-wisher.

christmas snowman

Words are important, I will have to admit that. They can make us cry, they can make us laugh, they can both sever and heal relationships.

But I don’t believe that anyone who wishes me Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays is trying to discount my belief system or lack of it. Go ahead and wish me a Happy Kwanzaa – I will be honored.

I remember my sister-in-law telling me about her father visiting her in Africa when she was in the Peace Corps. The particular welcome party that they were at did not have access to ice, so the host served gin at room temperature in large tumblers to guests. This combination of warm gin and plenty of it did not appeal to my father-in-law, and he figured that he had better get it out of the way as quickly as possible. He bolted the drink, unaware that the host would take that as a compliment and refill his tumbler to the brink. My father-in-law learned at that celebration about the generous spirit and customs of the country, and that warm gin consumed in copious amounts triggered something akin to a suicide wish.

So for now I will place the question of hangovers to the side, and ask you to invite me to celebrate the Feast of Lights with you. I will, because you are special to me and I want to share your life. I will help you decorate your tree. I will participate in any tradition that you set before me, because I can understand you better that way- and you can understand me too, as we share the joy and the solemnity of your celebration.

I have made so many friends this year. I want to be happy with you- and mourn with you, if need be, because the weight of mourning is easier to bear when shared.

Oh, and please pass the gin. :)

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